Cordova does not seem to be conducive to my alcoholism. When I was here last, I thought I had been suffering from insomnia due to stress and anxiety from my job here.
It turns out there is something in the booze here.
I have no clue why drinking in this town causes me to go so sleepless. It appears that no matter how much or what I drink, I will not rest more than 3 or 4 hours at best.
I noticed on my birthday, which left me seriously inebriated. I should have slept hard the whole night through. Yet, at 2 am I awoke...wide awake, no hangover.
I found it odd, but didn't correlate it with my last trip. Then, last night, I went out and had a couple of drinks. This time, I awoke at 3am, wide awake again.
As I lay there in the wee hours of dawn I thought about this trip, and my last trip. I realized that all of my sleepless nights had been nights Dave and I had gone out drinking.
I have no clue why. But, I think I'm done drinking in this damn town. I need some rest.
-c
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Saturday, January 01, 2011
Happy New Years
Happy new year!
Yes, I am alive and well. I survived my birthday pretty well...thanks to anyone that sent me shots! I hope you feel as rough today as I did that night!
You've probably noticed my fb has been deactivated. I have decided it was time to take a little break from that stupid website. So, you'll have to keep up here.
my email is still jacobydog@gmail.com and my cell is still 907-209-8490
Again, have a happy new years!
chris
Yes, I am alive and well. I survived my birthday pretty well...thanks to anyone that sent me shots! I hope you feel as rough today as I did that night!
You've probably noticed my fb has been deactivated. I have decided it was time to take a little break from that stupid website. So, you'll have to keep up here.
my email is still jacobydog@gmail.com and my cell is still 907-209-8490
Again, have a happy new years!
chris
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Out of practice
Having taken such a long break from writing, I find it hard to really compile any sort of creative element. Writers block maybe? Or maybe it's just that I've allowed myself to digress into such a lump of uselessness that I have lost the words that seemed to flow out of my head.
Then again, maybe it was all just shit that I poured out. Just me feeling some sort of grandiose feeling of potential that never really existed.
Who knows. What I do know, is that I enjoyed it. It was some sort of therapeutic treatment for myself. Maybe it was my excuse to drink, and now maybe, I don't need an excuse.
I guess though, that if I'm going to get back into it, I will have to start out with small little writing excercises...writing out whatever random crap I can, in an effort to maybe write something worth reading.
The other night, I ran into a friend. Someone who has begged me repeatedly to start up again. I know we talked for a bit...but I was so damned drunk, I don't really recall the substance of our conversation. That seems to be a pattern in my my life lately.
Later that night, as my friends and I walked back to their house, I ran and jumped up to slap a large sign hanging above the sidewalk. Once I'd hit the sign, it ripped free from hooks suspending it over the sidewalk, and subsequently fell squarely on my head. Splitting my head open. Blood instantly started to pour out of the wound. I recall staring down at the ground in a daze. Perfect round droplets of blood began to dot the sidewalk. My head and face felt wet. I think I touched my head, feeling around for the wound. I recall asking if I was really hurt. Nobody could really answer me with any sort of certainty. We decided to just head back to my friends house, so we could clean it up and reassess the damage to my scalp.
By the time we reached his house, my coat and clothes were heavily covered in blood.
I was upset that my charlie shirt had been so stained. Abby took it from me and washed it, while I ran my head under the shower, trying to clean up the blood so someone could figure out if I needed stitches.
Nobody could really say for sure. So, an ice pack was placed on the wound, and my head was wrapped with gauze to hold the icepack on, and absorb the blood.
We continued to party for another 4 hours. Blood running fairly steadily the entire time.
Pure stupidity.
Eventually we decided to go to the emergency room.
Once there, the doctor cleaned out the wound, and informed me he could see my skull, and that I would be needing staples.
"Holy fuck! STAPLES???"
I could not believe they were going to staple my scalp. This seemed extreme.
I asked if they were regular staples. I was informed they were, and then the nurse demonstrated the staple gun procedure.
Through the whole night, I never once lost the stupid smile on my face. I have, or rather my friend has the pictures to prove it. Even in the ER while getting my head stapled together.
I sit here now, with a giant 4-5 inch scar on top of my head...still swollen, and patched together with staples.
chris d.
p.s. to liz. the sign was the brewery retail store sign.
what Irony that a brewery sign should take me out, while I'm drinking.
Then again, maybe it was all just shit that I poured out. Just me feeling some sort of grandiose feeling of potential that never really existed.
Who knows. What I do know, is that I enjoyed it. It was some sort of therapeutic treatment for myself. Maybe it was my excuse to drink, and now maybe, I don't need an excuse.
I guess though, that if I'm going to get back into it, I will have to start out with small little writing excercises...writing out whatever random crap I can, in an effort to maybe write something worth reading.
The other night, I ran into a friend. Someone who has begged me repeatedly to start up again. I know we talked for a bit...but I was so damned drunk, I don't really recall the substance of our conversation. That seems to be a pattern in my my life lately.
Later that night, as my friends and I walked back to their house, I ran and jumped up to slap a large sign hanging above the sidewalk. Once I'd hit the sign, it ripped free from hooks suspending it over the sidewalk, and subsequently fell squarely on my head. Splitting my head open. Blood instantly started to pour out of the wound. I recall staring down at the ground in a daze. Perfect round droplets of blood began to dot the sidewalk. My head and face felt wet. I think I touched my head, feeling around for the wound. I recall asking if I was really hurt. Nobody could really answer me with any sort of certainty. We decided to just head back to my friends house, so we could clean it up and reassess the damage to my scalp.
By the time we reached his house, my coat and clothes were heavily covered in blood.
I was upset that my charlie shirt had been so stained. Abby took it from me and washed it, while I ran my head under the shower, trying to clean up the blood so someone could figure out if I needed stitches.
Nobody could really say for sure. So, an ice pack was placed on the wound, and my head was wrapped with gauze to hold the icepack on, and absorb the blood.
We continued to party for another 4 hours. Blood running fairly steadily the entire time.
Pure stupidity.
Eventually we decided to go to the emergency room.
Once there, the doctor cleaned out the wound, and informed me he could see my skull, and that I would be needing staples.
"Holy fuck! STAPLES???"
I could not believe they were going to staple my scalp. This seemed extreme.
I asked if they were regular staples. I was informed they were, and then the nurse demonstrated the staple gun procedure.
Through the whole night, I never once lost the stupid smile on my face. I have, or rather my friend has the pictures to prove it. Even in the ER while getting my head stapled together.
I sit here now, with a giant 4-5 inch scar on top of my head...still swollen, and patched together with staples.
chris d.
p.s. to liz. the sign was the brewery retail store sign.
what Irony that a brewery sign should take me out, while I'm drinking.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Waiting
(I was pretty sick this spring, and this is one of the pieces I wrote while in and out of the hospitals)
Waiting
I’m sitting in this little exam room.
Or maybe it’s a changing room.
A curtain divides me from the other side of the room.
There is an old man. I can just see his shoe.
It’s black. Velcro straps.
He is talking incessantly.
Nerves.
Fear
Loneliness.
I’m not sure.
The nurse listens and feints interest.
I can hear it in her replies.
The old man is religious,
Or keeps relaying little quips about god.
Jokes maybe.
Parables.
He is catholic.
He says Jew.
A lot.
Discusses jews he knows.
Friends who are jews.
there is something in the way he lets the word jew
fall off his lips.
It’s confused with hatred and friendship.
There is no malice.
The nurse helps him undress.
He demands she not rumple his pants
He demands she pull them from the cuffs.
This pleases him.
The nurse helps him into the hall
And onto a gurney.
I sit and stare at the curtain.
Waiting.
chris d.
Waiting
I’m sitting in this little exam room.
Or maybe it’s a changing room.
A curtain divides me from the other side of the room.
There is an old man. I can just see his shoe.
It’s black. Velcro straps.
He is talking incessantly.
Nerves.
Fear
Loneliness.
I’m not sure.
The nurse listens and feints interest.
I can hear it in her replies.
The old man is religious,
Or keeps relaying little quips about god.
Jokes maybe.
Parables.
He is catholic.
He says Jew.
A lot.
Discusses jews he knows.
Friends who are jews.
there is something in the way he lets the word jew
fall off his lips.
It’s confused with hatred and friendship.
There is no malice.
The nurse helps him undress.
He demands she not rumple his pants
He demands she pull them from the cuffs.
This pleases him.
The nurse helps him into the hall
And onto a gurney.
I sit and stare at the curtain.
Waiting.
chris d.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Fear in the night
I look down over a vast blue ocean. White objects chase each other back and forth at blinding speeds. Immediately I am aware that there are sharks chasing salmon around. I look off to my left and see my girls swimming out amongst the salmon and sharks. There is no fear in me. For some reason I know these sharks are only interested in the salmon they chase.
I holler out to the girls, just to make them aware that they are not alone.
My voice is quickly swallowed up by the ocean. I make a stronger attempt to get their attention. My gaze is held by the strange white objects darting frantically just beneath the surface. Such a blue ocean. It is a stark contrast, the white of salmon and sharks against the rich blue sea. Unnatural. Hypnotic and terrifying.
I slowly make my way down the marble blocks that surround the ocean. I begin to notice that the entire sea abruptly ends against an endless expanse of these marble blocks. Each one is approximately 3'x3' square. "Odd" I mutter to myself. I shoot a nervous glance out at my kids, I try to holler but the words won't materialize. They splash about carelessly. White monsters circling just beneath them.
Panic seems to be creeping up my spine. The blocks surrounding the shoreline bring out more fear. It's at this point I notice the depth of the ocean where it meets the sea wall. It's as unfathomable as the unyielding blue spreading out before me.
I try to make sense of this surreal scene. Fear and panic begin to radiate into my limbs. My mouth feels swollen. I yell again.
It is at this point the girls begin to scream "sharks" and thrash wildly towards the sea wall.
I yell desperately to stop thrashing, that the sharks will not bother them if they just continue playing as normal. I scream wildly to just slowly move in towards the shore. A shore that I am becoming more disturbed by. There is a stainless steel railing running around most of the edge. However, even where there is no rail, there is no easy access out of this god damned ocean. white monsters darting, nipping at the girls toes. Not inflicting any damage, just further exacerbating their fear and panic, as well as my own.
I pray it's the salmon messing with them, and not the sharks. God not the sharks, anything but those fucking heartless monsters.
The sun is far too bright. I feel my skin burning under the hot rays. The blue ocean blinding me with a sickening fear and rage as I cannot seem to wrap my head around a way out of this situation.
There is no way out. Just an endless consuming fear.
-Chris D
I holler out to the girls, just to make them aware that they are not alone.
My voice is quickly swallowed up by the ocean. I make a stronger attempt to get their attention. My gaze is held by the strange white objects darting frantically just beneath the surface. Such a blue ocean. It is a stark contrast, the white of salmon and sharks against the rich blue sea. Unnatural. Hypnotic and terrifying.
I slowly make my way down the marble blocks that surround the ocean. I begin to notice that the entire sea abruptly ends against an endless expanse of these marble blocks. Each one is approximately 3'x3' square. "Odd" I mutter to myself. I shoot a nervous glance out at my kids, I try to holler but the words won't materialize. They splash about carelessly. White monsters circling just beneath them.
Panic seems to be creeping up my spine. The blocks surrounding the shoreline bring out more fear. It's at this point I notice the depth of the ocean where it meets the sea wall. It's as unfathomable as the unyielding blue spreading out before me.
I try to make sense of this surreal scene. Fear and panic begin to radiate into my limbs. My mouth feels swollen. I yell again.
It is at this point the girls begin to scream "sharks" and thrash wildly towards the sea wall.
I yell desperately to stop thrashing, that the sharks will not bother them if they just continue playing as normal. I scream wildly to just slowly move in towards the shore. A shore that I am becoming more disturbed by. There is a stainless steel railing running around most of the edge. However, even where there is no rail, there is no easy access out of this god damned ocean. white monsters darting, nipping at the girls toes. Not inflicting any damage, just further exacerbating their fear and panic, as well as my own.
I pray it's the salmon messing with them, and not the sharks. God not the sharks, anything but those fucking heartless monsters.
The sun is far too bright. I feel my skin burning under the hot rays. The blue ocean blinding me with a sickening fear and rage as I cannot seem to wrap my head around a way out of this situation.
There is no way out. Just an endless consuming fear.
-Chris D
Sunday, November 28, 2010
untitled
Wow, been awhile since I've used this sight. Looks like any and everything I wrote about was wrong! It's nice that I could immortalize my mistakes in written format. I contemplated deleting the older posts on here, but that didn't seem right.
The posting about wal-mart was one of the first online pieces I ever wrote. It's kind of funny to look back through all of my writing that was done on myspace and see the growth(?) and evolution of my writing. My grammar was atrocious! Punctuation...even worse! Not that it's great now, but it certainly has to be better than it was back in 05-06.
Anyhow. I'm currently sitting in Cordova Alaska. Hoping to be going home by the end of the week. I really need to get back to Juneau before December 7th, so I can see my brother before he moves back home to Vegas. Gonna miss that guy.
So, like I said, sitting here in Cordova. It's 9 am and snowing like hell. I've been up since 2:30 am. Too much stuff on my mind to get any rest. To many unresolved things in my life, too much work related crap bugging me.
I keep having incredibly vivid dreams. I'm thinking that's my subconscious poking me and saying "hey dick hole! get busy writing, this is some creative shit I'm feeding you, and you're just letting it go to waste."
My mind seems to be pissed at me.
Chris D
The posting about wal-mart was one of the first online pieces I ever wrote. It's kind of funny to look back through all of my writing that was done on myspace and see the growth(?) and evolution of my writing. My grammar was atrocious! Punctuation...even worse! Not that it's great now, but it certainly has to be better than it was back in 05-06.
Anyhow. I'm currently sitting in Cordova Alaska. Hoping to be going home by the end of the week. I really need to get back to Juneau before December 7th, so I can see my brother before he moves back home to Vegas. Gonna miss that guy.
So, like I said, sitting here in Cordova. It's 9 am and snowing like hell. I've been up since 2:30 am. Too much stuff on my mind to get any rest. To many unresolved things in my life, too much work related crap bugging me.
I keep having incredibly vivid dreams. I'm thinking that's my subconscious poking me and saying "hey dick hole! get busy writing, this is some creative shit I'm feeding you, and you're just letting it go to waste."
My mind seems to be pissed at me.
Chris D
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Democrats looking to lose the "08" presidential election early
Wow! So the Democrats already have two fairly popular and well known candidates who are hinting VERY HARD about their intentions to run for president in 2008. Both would be firsts, if they receive the nod from the democratic party. Both would be a total disaster for the democratic party, if they receive the nod from the democratic party.
Who are these two "destined to lose badly" politico's?
Well the first and most known for her intentions to throw her hat (or perhaps we should say "bonnet") into the ring is Hilary R. Clinton, yes, the Junior senator from New York.
While she may be a very good senator (I'm just speculating here, I'm honestly too dang tired to really reasearch this subject), she has one major factor that would instantly leave her in a distant second in a presidential race.
What is this quality of hers that would be so career ending? She's Bill Clintons wife. There, I said it.
Sure, I think that for the most part Bill did an ok job as president, nothing fantastic (cept nailing that intern, way to go Bill!), just as he didn't do anything to outstandingly stupid (cept getting caught and lying about nailing that intern....dumbass). The problem with her being Bills wife is that America for the most part is done with the whole Clinton era, and quite frankly I believe that the majority of this country is terrified of Hillary. I don't think people really know why they are terrified of her, we just know we should be.
Now, you will no doubt bash me for saying a woman doesn't stand a chance to get elected. To you I would say "hogwash!" I truly think a woman could and SHOULD get elected to the presidency, I just think that Hillary is the wrong woman to try and get into that position. Unless, She were running against Katherine Harris (you remember her, the election official {i forget her former title, like I said, I'm too damn tired to give a big enough shit to go look} from Florida that was instrumental in getting Dubya "appointed" to the presidency by the supreme court). However, due to her complete and total public fuck up with the "00" election, I would venture to say it's safe she stands about as much chance as getting nominated as say....me.
The next presidential hopefull, or so it would seem, at least right now, is Barrack Obama (yes, I no doubt spelled his name wrong, fuck you and your nit-picking). He is one of the senators from Illinois. What makes him so special? Well, he's only been a senator for the United States Senate for two years now, so he's pretty "fresh meat" in the political world. The biggest reason he is the wrong choice at the moment (and I am no doubt going to be labeled a "biggot" or "racist" or "dick" for this remark, however, it is no reflection of my thoughts on his or any other race, if you will remember from past blogs, I am not selective in whom I hate, I hate EVERYBODY.) is that fact that he is black, now before you jump me for this, consider this:
The majority of the voting public in this country are white people, mostly religious white people, mostly religious white people with deep hidden hatred of anybody that isn't a white religious voting person in this country. I would say you could be pretty damn sure that those scared, bible thumping, hypocritical white people that somehow were given voting rights, would rally around (granted it would be a very discreet rally, the kind of rally that only white people would attend, and possibly they would attend incognito, perhaps in sheets) to prevent Mr.Obama from becoming their leader.
Personally, I'm all for a black man, or a woman, or hell, a black woman being elected to the presidency. I think that anyone who aspires to hold that position is no doubt a douchebag, but hey, maybe a woman, or a black man, or a jewish black woman would do a better job, or perhaps...just maybe, a fantatastic job at leading this country.
The biggest problems I see with these two canidates right now, is really just this;
Both are no doubt capable and willing leaders, however they are two people that are going to further divide this country into a "us v. them" mentality. That is the last damn thing we need to happen right now, especially considering how close we are to tearing each other apart right now. Just imagine the hatred that would rear its ugly head if we had either of these two people running.
So, in conclusion, I suggest to the democrats, that you need to go out and find a candidate that is going to unify, bring together, get us all to stand hand in hand and sing songs of love and peace....ok, fuck that, but lets find a person, be it man, woman, black, white or whatever that can bring people together again, and feel confident in his or her leadership capabilities.
chris d.
p.s. please don't hate over this...it's just a thought I had.
p.s.s. Barack Obama may just stand a chance if he can get all the mexicans out to vote. Again, tho, thats just my thought at the moment, so don't hate.
Who are these two "destined to lose badly" politico's?
Well the first and most known for her intentions to throw her hat (or perhaps we should say "bonnet") into the ring is Hilary R. Clinton, yes, the Junior senator from New York.
While she may be a very good senator (I'm just speculating here, I'm honestly too dang tired to really reasearch this subject), she has one major factor that would instantly leave her in a distant second in a presidential race.
What is this quality of hers that would be so career ending? She's Bill Clintons wife. There, I said it.
Sure, I think that for the most part Bill did an ok job as president, nothing fantastic (cept nailing that intern, way to go Bill!), just as he didn't do anything to outstandingly stupid (cept getting caught and lying about nailing that intern....dumbass). The problem with her being Bills wife is that America for the most part is done with the whole Clinton era, and quite frankly I believe that the majority of this country is terrified of Hillary. I don't think people really know why they are terrified of her, we just know we should be.
Now, you will no doubt bash me for saying a woman doesn't stand a chance to get elected. To you I would say "hogwash!" I truly think a woman could and SHOULD get elected to the presidency, I just think that Hillary is the wrong woman to try and get into that position. Unless, She were running against Katherine Harris (you remember her, the election official {i forget her former title, like I said, I'm too damn tired to give a big enough shit to go look} from Florida that was instrumental in getting Dubya "appointed" to the presidency by the supreme court). However, due to her complete and total public fuck up with the "00" election, I would venture to say it's safe she stands about as much chance as getting nominated as say....me.
The next presidential hopefull, or so it would seem, at least right now, is Barrack Obama (yes, I no doubt spelled his name wrong, fuck you and your nit-picking). He is one of the senators from Illinois. What makes him so special? Well, he's only been a senator for the United States Senate for two years now, so he's pretty "fresh meat" in the political world. The biggest reason he is the wrong choice at the moment (and I am no doubt going to be labeled a "biggot" or "racist" or "dick" for this remark, however, it is no reflection of my thoughts on his or any other race, if you will remember from past blogs, I am not selective in whom I hate, I hate EVERYBODY.) is that fact that he is black, now before you jump me for this, consider this:
The majority of the voting public in this country are white people, mostly religious white people, mostly religious white people with deep hidden hatred of anybody that isn't a white religious voting person in this country. I would say you could be pretty damn sure that those scared, bible thumping, hypocritical white people that somehow were given voting rights, would rally around (granted it would be a very discreet rally, the kind of rally that only white people would attend, and possibly they would attend incognito, perhaps in sheets) to prevent Mr.Obama from becoming their leader.
Personally, I'm all for a black man, or a woman, or hell, a black woman being elected to the presidency. I think that anyone who aspires to hold that position is no doubt a douchebag, but hey, maybe a woman, or a black man, or a jewish black woman would do a better job, or perhaps...just maybe, a fantatastic job at leading this country.
The biggest problems I see with these two canidates right now, is really just this;
Both are no doubt capable and willing leaders, however they are two people that are going to further divide this country into a "us v. them" mentality. That is the last damn thing we need to happen right now, especially considering how close we are to tearing each other apart right now. Just imagine the hatred that would rear its ugly head if we had either of these two people running.
So, in conclusion, I suggest to the democrats, that you need to go out and find a candidate that is going to unify, bring together, get us all to stand hand in hand and sing songs of love and peace....ok, fuck that, but lets find a person, be it man, woman, black, white or whatever that can bring people together again, and feel confident in his or her leadership capabilities.
chris d.
p.s. please don't hate over this...it's just a thought I had.
p.s.s. Barack Obama may just stand a chance if he can get all the mexicans out to vote. Again, tho, thats just my thought at the moment, so don't hate.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)